Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
