She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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