i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
