Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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