Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
