i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
