just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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