even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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