Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
