I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
