If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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