It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
