If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
