He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
