Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Houston, we have a blender
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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