I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
