My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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