I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
