3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
