There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
