...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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