hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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