I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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