Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
