I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
