I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize