forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
