there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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