If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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