'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
