She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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