apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
