Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
