I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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