ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
