The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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