Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
