Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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