she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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