The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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