I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
