Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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