Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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