dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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