Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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