We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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