I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
