i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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