You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
