so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
