First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
