So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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