Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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