Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
