This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
