a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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