Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
