so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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