it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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