all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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