I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish you could order shots online.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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