ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
