You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize