Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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