I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
