The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
