it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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