toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this boner is exhausting
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SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
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In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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