my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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