My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
