Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
