His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i out mim tonsoeep
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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