look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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